SCARY SINGULARITY
Oh honey, we're already in a hard takeoff.
I’m not going to waste my time, or yours, Dear Reader, on any of the boring asinine arguments you can find from people who make slop delivery their day job.
I don’t particularly care if the robots are conscious or not, many of you aren’t and we get on just fine.
I don’t particularly give a singular good goddamn fuck what any of your personal cults say about this shit, and I could be meaner but I’ll stop there, as spreading as much hate as you can muster is more your thing than mine.1
I don’t particularly care if Cosmo or some other equally reputable source2 told you the robots are scary, as in-ground pools are straight up wilding on y’all’s fuckin’ kids and nobody gives a fuck about that because, bro, it’s a fuckin’ pool, that rules, fuck dem kids lmao.
YOU’RE SO GODDAMN FUCKING BORING I HATE YOU
Oh wow this new study says the robots aren’t conscious.
Oh wow this new study says the robots are conscious.
Oh holy shit the leader of the religion known for moving heaven AND earth to protect pedophiles has an opinion, wow!
Do you people have even an iota of fucking self-awareness or do you need to buy another fucking app for that?
FROM THE TOP, WITH FEELING
Baby I’m sorry I didn’t mean that it’s just that you’re so goddamn fucking boring- wait shit maybe I did mean it.
Here’s a super important question that definitely won’t be relegated to the dust bin of history by tomorrow’s latest fad:
IS IT REAL ART, A REAL MOVIE, IF THEY USE CGI?
CAN WE CALL SOMEONE WHO WRITES WITH A MACHINE AND NOT WITH THEIR HAND A WRITER?
Using photoshop means you don’t get to call yourself a graphic artist.
That’s the fun3 part about being old, is I remember all the other shit you motherless fucks were panicking about previously.
THE CORE STORY OF HUMANITY IS THAT WE ADAPT
Oh shit now it’s cold all the time forever? Well, guess we gotta start walkin’ till we, or our grandkids, or great great great grandkids, find somewhere that isn’t.
Generally, and counterintuitively, technology tends to remove facades.
Texting means most young people know to the minute how much social currency the people in their life are willing to lend them.
Doorslop, and the other slop apps, have shown us all that yes, we want the pink slime, in our holes, because ultimately we’re all Foucault, our Parisian bath houses just tend to vary.
Did you think the magic talking robots would be different? Do you think the people writing their texts to you with chatgpt, or running their businesses finances through claude, or asking gemini for life advice, were previously making good decisions?
I am grabbing you by the shoulders and looking you dead in the fucking eye when I ask you if you actually believe there is some greater mind being hopelessly fatigued and subsumed by the oh-so-powerful machinations of generative systems, that in your next breath, you will claim are idiot-boxes that can’t count the Rs in strawbey- stawberr- strrawbery- the fucking red flavor that isn’t cherry.
MY MOM HAS SHOWN ME EVERY POSSIBLE CHATGPT VARIATION OF A PHOTO I TOOK WITH MY BROTHERS
Honestly I was pretty hot as an anime character. I’m not mad about it, I love my mom. I live under the pedophilic gaze4 of Flock camera systems and regardless you’re all cowards and morons so the Constitution is largely dead, so, shall I berate my mother?
Shall I get in my car and drive past god-knows-how-fucking-many golf courses to tell her how much water she wasted enjoying pictures of her children? Obviously yes, and I shall do so, and I will know her tears and our damaged relationship are the price of maintaining one half of a hegelian dialectic.
Hopefully that synthesis/solution arrives soon, love you mom!
I HAVE WASTED MY TIME BY SPEAKING, FOR MANY OF YOU ARE BUT STOCHASTIC PARROTS
Well, the shithole country I had the misfortune to be a born-and-raised citizen of is doing death camps, sixty percent of the population can’t read in any manner worth the term ‘reading’ and we’ve spent the last ten years having the exact fucking same arguments about gender, race, sexuality and every other possible variation on Being Human on a fucking loop.
Does any of this strike you as particularly conscious behavior?
Intelligent, arguably, sure. But conscious?
Is this the behavior of a nation, or world, full of bright-eyed agentic minds that understand their world and how they fit within it?
It’s a hell of a thing innit, but don’t worry, babe, I’m completely sure you’re gonna find a definition of consciousness that includes every meatbag and excludes every robot, this is a good use of your time and very important :)
HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I’VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE-
The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, etc. et. slop et. all
I’m lying, whatever you do do not get old, the kids laugh about random numbers and it’s very confusing. Have you seen where I sat my readers down?
Do you think the Espteins who own and operate these surveillance companies AREN’T enjoying visual access to millions of children?
You gotta let out the rage then get back to business.