MAYBE YOU'RE THE PROBLEM
God, Ava Max is so fucking hot
The most engagement and likes I’ve ever gotten came from a thirty minute shitpost of an essay that happened to line out such that a young woman of potentially negotiable sexual affection was the PFP1 which certainly had nothing to do with anything.
I goddamn fucking hate you guys, and I really don’t say that enough.
Wait, I came here to disagree that Ava Max is hot?
Yeah, don’t mind the heavy sigh, we can talk about that.
Look at that woman. Look at that living incarnation of “oh my god don’t do this you idiot.”
That’s the human equivalent of taking five jaegerbombs in a fucking row and trying to jump a jetski in to the bed of your buddy’s truck.
If you think I’m gonna even hesitate, you’re either a bad guesser or a worse friend (HI MOM I LOVE YOU I’M LYING FOR CLOUT I WOULD NEVER).
Isn’t that the problem, though?
Nobody can even fucking read, and we write and write like we’re gonna save the fucking world. I’m the fucking idiot for taking any of this shit seriously.
Editing passes? Re-reads? Bro are you high?2
I get it, we’re all human, blah fucking blah, just hand me your fucking bullshit so I can co-sign it. Judge not, don’t be throwin’ rocks, yeah, uh huh, grand, how’s that working out for everyone?
Any of you ever TRIED to get constructive criticism? It’s like trying to catch good dick at a furry convention while making the mistake of being a woman3 which, for all of you people that having loving communities and support networks and are not also already furries, is basically impossible, because many furries are extremely homosexual men.
Like goddamn those men are homosexual. Freddy Mercury would blush.
A-are you saying you’re-
No, I’m from the old internet and this about the only type of fuck-making I can even kind of use for a good raunchy “I’m with it wink wink” type laugh.
Why- Just- Just don’t do that?
Oh honey.
Anyways.
You’re waiting for me to describe, maybe proscribe, and that’s the problem, see, is that exact mindset. I’m an idiot. I have walked face-first in to a closed door for no obvious reason to myself in the last year. Do not listen to me.
But you’re gonna.
So, my fellow fucking idiot, I’m gonna break this down McDonald’s4 style for all of you fucking chicken-tender-americans:
A) This is the group that’s gonna get totally fucking face-raped by the future. These motherfuckers will outsource their souls to facebook’s large language model. Don’t laugh, statistically speaking this is about 30% of everyone we all know, and it will include people you care about. The rest will be group B, which will make you go “wait, how can that next group be double”, which, daddy chill, it adds up to about 90% and it’s gonna turn out to be true. System’s biggest brand right now is “heh I dislike the system actually”. I reiterate, I fucking hate all of you.
B) This is the group that will think they’re clever savvy fuckers who play the system instead of getting played. They get face-fucked exactly as hard as group A, but the entire time, they’re going to, around the gluck-gluck noises, say things like “heh getting face-fucked is cool, actually” or even better, shit like “[GLUCK] wha’ ‘o [GLUCK] ‘ean ‘m ‘ot ‘ettin’ [GLUCK] ‘ace ‘uck’ [GLUCKGLUCKGLUCK]”.
You will want to hurt them, and this is the divine shining within you, in my personal opinion.
C) The people who actually don’t buy in. Statistically speaking, you will hate these people because the social conditioning will run deep. I warmly welcome any attempts to prove me wrong.
Any meaningful change in the world is gonna come at a personal level or it won’t come at all.
I shouldn’t need to tell you to stop accepting other people’s bullshit, I’m here to tell you to stop accepting your own.5
That would’ve been the perfect end to this piece, but I’m not that smart and you don’t read my shit because you like ‘em small.
That was another great ending. I got like ten more of these but I’m gonna save ‘em for later.
Get in fucking shape, unfuck your digital world (YOU ARE READING THIS ON A FUCKING COMPUTER, DO YOU HAVE ROOT ACCESS TO THAT COMPUTER? DO YOU HAVE THE BAREST FUCKING IDEA HOW IT GODDAMN WORKS?6)
You should probably grow a potato, I cannot fucking overstate how fucking easy this, go put one about six inches in to the ground (wow that’s really deep I know haha) and just fuck off.
You don’t even really need to fucking bury it, if you’re that fucking stupid.
Give it water whenever you think about it, unless you have anxiety, in which case only water it when you actually forget it exists.7
Did you know you can probably legally own a gun as a civilian if you’re in a country worth the name?
You should probably fucking do that.
Being able to kill shit that we wish dead is a defining trait of humans, and the removal of that a defining trait of slavery.8
Guns are currently the best practical method of en-deadening that which needs to be en-deadened.
They’re scary!
You know what’s even scarier? The whole rest of the fucking world.
Don’t take my word for it, ask that one aunt everyone has that shies away from touch.
Or friend. Whatever.
You should probably make sure you have a method of dooting9 about that isn’t PURELY reliant on good paved roads. Again, defining trait of historical humans. The current best method of doing that is a 4x4 diesel vehicle.
A lot of you nature motherfuckers genuinely frazzle the fuck out of me because natural humans are environment defining tool using fucks.
When we get cold, we don’t migrate, we say “actually, suck my entire ass, I am going to build a box in which it is not cold”, and you dense docile motherfuckers just take that and everything it implies entirely for granted. Fish, in fucking water.
‘RETVRN’ to what motherfucker, windows 95? Go, do it. Be Neo-Amish, that’ll sure get you fuckin’ far.
G8 gonna meet and be like ‘WHOA GUYS ACTUALLY FUCK TOTAL INFORMATIONAL AWARENESS AND FULL SPECTRUM DOMINANCE AND SIXTH AND SEVENTH GENERATION WARFARE LET’S UNILATERALLY DISARM TO AN 1800s TECH LEVEL’.
Like the actual fucking Amish, it’s a definitionally schizophrenic (disordered, delusional and frankly just a tad antisocial) worldview.10
“Yeah so clothes, hammers, fire, god wanted us to have all that, even though it was definitionally all post-fall stuff but like god would be like bro hell yeah barns but like not big on internal combustion not a fan”.
All these concessions for safety, in fifty fuckin’ years they’ll have goddamn holographic calls but oh for like safety bro.
You’re being an ass, it’s the way of life they prefer.
Where the fuck have I heard that before?11
It’s the same fuckin’ shit with AI. What the fuck do the engineers who built it know, right? Some dipshit with a communications degree is gonna stroll in and be like
ACTUALLY THEY’RE JUST FANCY CHATBOTS
no, they’re neural fucking networks. They simulate neurons in software. If you can’t source this fucking claim, you do not get to sit at the adult’s table. This is Important Shit, and if you need me to hand-hold your dumb fucking ass over to libgen or scihub, then I’m sorry, you can join the boomers, zoomers and midwits at the kid’s table, we don’t actually goddamn need you in this, or really any further, fucking conversations.
This is gonna be the problem, going forwards, and today’s the least annoying it’ll ever be, is people who are mentally stuck in 2006 trying to be involved in, well, really anything other than online console gaming and fast food door dash12 deliveries.
We’re watching electricity, times the steam engine, times the internet, times smart phones, times horses, times agriculture, times a global extinction level event.
This shit is going to change everything and it is going to do it so fucking fast you’re going to feel scared and sick.
Statistically speaking, you already know someone in a relationship with a machine.
Fuck wait it’s been too long since I had a picture
Nevermind I’ve moved on from Ava Max. Mostly.13
You know what the bright side is? My game times my (very mid) looks times most of y’all fucking robots means women like this will not immediately start telling me about their boyfriends. Maybe even get a pity chuckle or two.
The dark side is seriously, it’s already now and happening. We’re at T-Minus to AI unemployment riots being broken up by bots. I’d say a low double-digit number of months, but then every single time prediction I keep making is actually too fucking boomer and wasn’t quite fast enough. Probably the Christmas story arc idk fam we’ll see.
Meanwhile the gormless fucktards governing every nation on earth will do their absolute damndest to make something like AI a hierarchical and vertical technology, and will hopefully fail miserably.
Hey gang, I wonder what cheap ASICs would do for the matrice math that underlies AI? Any chip, python, or math autists out there?
I dunno man, that’s a lot of fire and brimstone, but if I’m like “ALRIGHT WE MEET AT THE GOOD McDonald’s14 OVER ON THE EDGE OF THE GHETTO” some nice young people in business casual attire will want to come talk to me about stuff that still isn’t Epstein’s goddamn flight list.
This is what we’re allowed, impotent fury. Turning anything and everything in to another fucking product and experience, atomization and pornification15 and people don’t even know those goddamn words. A lexicon a farmer from a century ago would mock you for, a vocabulary that passed your state No Child Left Behind yearly test, congratufuckinglations.
Elite Human Capital.
How have you not realized that Hanania is the same bait as Peterson as Rogan as AOC as Sanders as Trump?
How do you keep not realizing this?
The ONLY evidence that Orange Man (Bad Be Upon Him) was ever even MAYBE based was whoever the fuck was wildin’ under the ‘Q’ tripcode, and that nigga not only disappeared but let his precious boards get fucking whacked mafia style.
Real bitch nigga energy tbh.
So what we’re left with, without the WAGAWAGA PATRIOTS IN CONTROL, is a bloviating retard who can’t seem to talk without shitting on the goddamn constitution.
UM AKSHALLY IT’S HARD TO DO A DEPORTIES
No fucking shit, retard? This is why letting them in in the first place was a retarded shitshow is literally this right here. Not deporting actual goddamn americans is pretty goddamn mission-critical. This flaming fucking shitshow of a country is being held together by cheap chinese bullshit and the iron-clad retarded burger belief that MUH LAW & ORDER LAWYER RIGHT TO AN ATTORNY RIGHT TO BIGGIE SIZE RIGHT TO MAKE A RIGHT ON RED RIGHT TO I’M SORRY I THOUGHT THS WAS AMERICA.
Jesus Actual Christ, what the fuck is fucking wrong with you people? Party of the goddamn constitution? Party of law and fucking order?
THEY HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE HERE
YEAH NO FUCKING SHIT, SHERLOCK. DO YOU HAVE A GODDAMN GENIE? DO YOU KNOW WHICH TACO PEOPLE GET TO STAY AND WHICH GO?
heh actually deport ‘em all actually
Well, I don’t imagine that’s going to end in anything other than a mind-shattering amount of bloodshed across the board, as no american born-and-raised would take being kicked out of their home as anything other than the most urgent possible call to arms, but, sure, let’s pretend america16 isn’t full of darkies with modern engineering knowledge and family they care about.
White people are either mind-killed or already mostly-hated by systems of power, surely your greatest ally is pushing you in to a great strategic move to start a race war now, in this position.
Author, uh, whose side are you on?
Whichever one isn’t stupid enough to try and pit me against roughly half the people I would die for.
I would imagine I’m not alone in this stance, and I would imagine that others like me are similarly inclined to not generally get involved in what is self-evidently a farce-in-motion.
That doesn’t clarify shit.
If you can ever easily fit me with a label, you should go on the darknet and hire someone to kill me.
You know what fuck metaphors and shit, I’m gonna spell this shit out because you dense goddamn motherfuckers read at about a fifth grade level:
Everything’s about to change forever again and it’s already happening and so many of you are sleeping on this shit.
Twenty five hundred goddamn words and I’ve barely scratched the surface I’m aiming at.
You may all go to hell, and I shall go to Fiction.
I’m old too, that means ProFile Picture (i didn’t create the acronym, get mad at your (illiterate) children)
Officer I would like a lawyer.
It’s [CURRENT_YEAR]+10 nobody has an excuse anymore, do better.
I’m Lovin’ It!
Haha footnote go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
"No I subscribed to you to learn shit like that” argh FOR FUCK’S SAKE CAN ANYONE ELSE PLAY MEDIC TOO OR AM I JUST GONNA HARD CARRY? sorry man that shit’s really fucking boring for me to write 90% of the time, i’ll try to be better and earn that $0 you’re paying me.
I’m not fucking with you, but I am kind of fucking with you. Oh shit, did you leave the stove on?
"This makes me feel bad!” With only love, and hear me, grow the fuck up.
The kids call this ‘locomoting’.
Yeah I’m comin’ for the Amish.
THE HOMOSEXUAL COMMUNITY. I LEAVE THE MORALITY OF THIS, IF ANY, AS AN EXERCISE FOR THE READER.
I’M LOVIN’ IT FUCK YOU PAY ME PAY ME PAY ME I HATE THE ANTICHRIST I HATE THE ANTICHRIST I HATE THE-
I will not be unfollowing her, nor will I be taking questions at this time.
I’m lovin’ royalty checks! GIVE THEM TO ME.
The second wavers were based, is what it is.
America has reached, grammatically and lexically, the same point as bandaids, googling, etc.
"I’m the fucking idiot for taking any of this shit seriously. Editing passes? Re-reads? Bro are you high?"
Based.
"‘RETVRN’ to what motherfucker, windows 95? Go, do it."
I've come across someone that did just that lol. Refused to get on anything newer, used it for internet too.
But yeah, things are prob gonna get fucked. C'est la vie.
Ava's neat, but for a second there I thought you'd end up mentioning Romy Flores lol
Group D, pitting the other groups against each other and laughing themselves into tears for how easy it is